Err on the side of inappropriate.
— my sister, on the toast she and her fiance are letting me give at their wedding reception, even though I am not the best man. Another reason why I love her.

am I the devil?

Last week I had a very strange and random dream that included a reference to a friend of mine. For some reason I decided to email her about it.

I was in the George W. Bush presidential library (which I guess meant I was in the future, because it hasn’t even been built yet) with my grandparents. I wandered off and saw Barbara Bush laying in a bed that looked like it was a part of one of the displays (W’s childhood home) recovering from her recent open heart surgery (which she actually had earlier this month). We chatted for awhile but I could tell she was getting tired so I left her to get some sleep.

I found my grandparents and we headed over to the food court, where we ran into Alex Trebek. One of the kids in my mentorship group at Bel Air is his neighbor, so when I introduced myself and Alex said he had heard about me because he knew one of my friends, I assumed it was this kid.

“No,” he said, “it’s Kristen Dxxxxxxxx. She’s family.”

Here’s what Kristin just wrote back:

That’s funny because I am related to him by marriage I guess.  No blood relation, and I’ve only met him twice.  He married my mom’s aunt Jean, and they live here in LA.

Holy shit. Alex Trebek’s message in my dream WAS TRUE.

I’m still coming to grips with this.

My dad has been sending me lengthy text messages from his iPhone today, thinking he is writing emails instead of texts. His messages always crack me up; they make him sound like a robot or that he’s sending me a telegram from the past.


We are in windy Florida. Weather is windy. Fires are around us. We are at Cantina Laredo (restaurant). Your mom has to drive home. The traffic is crap. Very windy. Last year there was 50 feet. (?) Today there was none. The waves were hitting the sea wall. Hope all is going well for you. Mom is cracking her knuckles. She says she is cold, but she is looking tough. I love you, See you soon. Love DAD
  • Dad: So were your wedding invitations pretty expensive?
  • Amanda: No, I got a really great deal on them.
  • Dad: That’s shit-kickin’.
  • Amanda: Is that a word?
  • Dad: Yeah, it means like really cool. You know, shit-kickin'.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

I know it’s bad form to post the same thing twice, but I made the mistake of uploading this amazing audio from Kevin Federline custom ringtone recording session over the weekend, which sent it to the back of everyone’s Monday morning Dashboard read.

So here it is again. Maybe I’m the only one who finds this hilarious, but I don’t want to live in a world where that’s the case.

Great photo of my mom and sister at the third of four wedding showers being thrown for her before the big day at the end of May.

Great photo of my mom and sister at the third of four wedding showers being thrown for her before the big day at the end of May.

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Kevin Federline records custom ringtones and text message alerts.

This is not a joke.

Today Google is marking the 40th anniversary of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Today Google is marking the 40th anniversary of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Somebody told me there’s gonna be some shootings at Wal-Mart tonight. So don’t go. It’s gang initiation night.
— advice my father gave my sister on Tuesday, in case she happened to be going to Wal-Mart that day. (He is a dentist in Fort Wayne, Indiana and has no connections with any gang.)
They’re back…

They’re back…

Another shot of Robert Pattinson as Salvador Dalí.

Another shot of Robert Pattinson as Salvador Dalí.

The Snuggie™ has officially jumped the shark.
Tracy Morgan: ”I feel like the black Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

The Snuggie™ has officially jumped the shark.

Tracy Morgan: ”I feel like the black Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

How is Robert Pattinson following up his star-making role in Twilight?
By playing Salvador Dalí.
Seriously.
(How do you think the Twilight fans will like his hard-core gay sex scene?)

How is Robert Pattinson following up his star-making role in Twilight?

By playing Salvador Dalí.

Seriously.

(How do you think the Twilight fans will like his hard-core gay sex scene?)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML
— from fmylife.com, a collection of stories of misfortune